Plans to Prosper

In my pursuit to be holy in God's sight, I came to a point where I cried out to God " I don't want to sin anymore". ( Yes I know this is impossible however, I still prayed it). The next three days I honestly felt the wait of my sin upon me. God was showing me all the errors of my ways. Whether it be bad thoughts of others, going to food besides him etc... It was so hard to work. Several of my employees said I looked like death. I came to a point where I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I was sick to my stomach....frankly I was a mess. I started going into this depression. This lead me to the back of Johnny Rockets where I sat on a trash can and I cried out to God " I know you won't forsake me. Then why does it feel like it right now?" The next morning I woke up and I felt grace. I felt God's love for me. That I didn't have to try so hard to live up to these standards. For a long time I thought living a righteous life meant to try to follow everything in the bible on how we should live. Which is impossible. Then just ask forgivness when I mess up. Well I don't know about you but I mess up all the time. God just kept bringing up this verse to my head "the righteous live by faith". And then it hit me. Instead of trying to live up to all these rules, I must start trusting what the bible says. That Jesus really died for my sins and that I am a new creation("Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation" 2 Corinthians 5:17. ), That he does really have plans to prosper me ( 11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future Jeremiah 29:11), That he will not leave me or forsake me. etc... I must start remembering when Christ showed up and cured me from disease, brought money to my bank account out of no where, or how he answered my prayer for Christian girlfriends. He is faithful. Now mind you this is not an excuse to live in sin and use God as your personal Genie.In the bible it says pray without ceasing. So you must pray for God to take the desires away from you, because will power will always fail you. But Christ will never fail you. 

I felt like I had found the narrow road. Where Jesus's "Load Is Light". Now I just have to remember it really is all about turst. I must trust that God has a plan for my life and even if I am stuck in traffic for an hour to go one exit. I must trust that his plan is perfect. His timing is perfect. 

While the depression and craziness was going on. God was really keeping me up one night. He kept reminding me of this interview that fell through when I was working with the Christian radio station. The manager of the band had said he owed me. So I decided to send him an e-mail. I was really honest. I told him I was just a girl trying to follow my dreams to have a Christian show and that I really had nothing impressive to say about it. 4 days went by and I told God, that if he wanted me to work at Johnny Rockets forever, I know his plans are better than mine and I will trust that. Then the next day the band manager e-mailed me back. He said " Yes"!!!!!! I was so in awe of how much God really loved me and was going to be with me in my pursuit to have this show, that after breaking a plate at Johnny Rockets ( which is the first one I have ever seen broken there--they are plastic--), I went to the bathroom and fell to me knees, thanking God for opening a door for me. I had prayed for him to open a door the week before.

I think for years I ran around as a Christian Athesists. Saying I believe in God's truth but then thinking my destiny relys on me. Are we not than playing mini God's? trying to create the plan. God has given you the dreams in the depths of your soul for a reason. He wants you to go after them. I honestly have no idea how this interview is going to come together, I need a professional camera, a website to put the video on, a name for a show etc...but you know what...I know God will provide it all if it is His will. Instead of trusting my own ability, I will trust God's ability to make this show happen. I must be patient though because God's timing is certainly not my timing. The lord my God is coming to redeem what is lost.  Wait till you see what he has in store for me. : )