Pride

It has been a long time since I posted in my blog and I think a lot of his to do with my pride. It's all nice and dandy to tell everyone about all the awesome things going on in your life, like interviewing/ booking celebs or what not but when it comes to the junky stuff you would rather not say. Well I promised to tell everything that happened when I left my Job at WESH and here is what has been going on.

After leaving working with the radio station. I moved to Jacksonville to live with my Grandma. I didn't really get paid at the radio station, so the main reason I moved was because I couldn't pay my bills. I needed a place to stay and this would be a fresh start. Linnda quickly helped me line up a job in Jacksonville making $150 a day working as a PA. We thought it was working for a film, however it was actually working on a military base picking up trash and such. Now, I know what your thinking $150 a day to pick up trash, sign me up! Well I just couldn't do it. I think I lied to myself and told myself that it was because of the war stuff or the weird hours. But it was really PRIDE. I went from booking famous guests on a show to empty trash cans. I felt so defeated. So after one day I quit. This caused my whole family to be angry at me! Then from my Grandma's smoking (and probably partly a panic attack) I ended up in the Emergency Room, not able to breathe. I realized that if I didn't want to keep getting sick, I would have to move out. So I moved back to Winter Park and am now living with a friend until I can figure things out.

On the way back my girlfriend told me my old serving job was hiring for some seasonal help. I turned it down, thinking " No way I am I going back there". So I took a job at this fine dining restaurant and after a week in they let me go. I honestly think it was because I refused to take out a dirty teapot. They said I just wasn't catching on to their concept quick enough. Who knows the real reason but anyway I am not working there anymore. 

My grandma had given me some money to get by but I spent some of it on clothing, thinking I can't wear what I have this season...a lot of it is old and a some of my long shirts have holes in them. So I splurged, thinking the cash would come in from the job. Bad idea.

I really started thinking about this pride issue and when else it has affected my life. When I left WESH, I think some of it had to do with pride. I just couldn't stand not being promoted. It wasn't even about the money really. It was that to me...it felt like they were saying, I didn't do a good job. I felt like I deserved that job, Two years and every shift I worked. I work hard and I give it my all. 

If only I could give that much energy to God. Seriously, why was I working so hard?  Because a long time ago, I swore I would never end up like my family did, poor...with no secure jobs. I was going to make things happen. I was going to be someone! I was going to do it all by myself and be independent!!!!

But God wants us to rely on him, that's not saying we can do nothing, we have to do our part too. I was just relying on myself. I had a plan for my future and I was sticking to it! 

But it wasn't God's plan for my life, it was mine and that's why it came crashing down. God wanted all of me.

Through all this I have learned that...

1. You can't plan out your life you have no idea what tomorrow will bring you have to live in the now and do the best you can every day to follow God, "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth" Proverbs: 27:1. 

2. I have a serious pride issue (I am still shaking it) and most of my problems have been caused by this. " Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall  Better to be lowly in spirit and among the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud" Proverbs 16: 18

3. Despite all this God still loves me : ) Is it not amazing how God can still love sinners like me and you? ( if anyone is even reading this).

4. God is helping me through this. He is taking away the things I prided myself on! My  car...which I prided on that I paid it off quickly and would constantly say it is my only possession. I got in a car accident in May and totalled it and had no collision coverage. My house is gone. I loved that apartment, I thought it was perfect and wanted to show it to everyone. Most everything I owned I have given away or sold ( mostly given away) in order to move out quickly or pay bills.

5. I have gained a lot. I have gained character. How often is our first question to people, what do you do? As if their job defines them.I think the next time someone asks me what I do, I am going to say " I am doing my best to follow God", I wonder what kind of reactions I will get to that? What defines who you are is who you are in Christ. So I ask you today, who are you in Christ? ....Take some time, think about this... I promise the question is worth asking.