Tears of Joy

On Friday I began to tear up during one of our radio shows.  I sat there wondering why tears would be filling my eyes? Was it because it was September 11th? The more I thought about it, I realized it was that I was truly happy. 

Earlier that day we interviewed " Thomas Jefferson" (played by Dale Reynolds). Linnda and I had decided to have the show as if we were interviewing Thomas Jefferson. Thomas Jefferson is such an amazing man. He wrote the Declaration of Independence in just 17 days. In less then three weeks he would write a document so amazing, that it would change a country. It made me think...what had I done in the past three weeks? Well I took a leap of faith and left my job, I started helping the Orlando Union Rescue Mission out in their media department, I started taking Kung Fu, I went from volunteering, to interning, to being a show assistant, to being the Associate Producer of the Linnda Durre' show. In the course of a week, I am writing press releases and helping boo interviews ( something, I've never done...fake it till you make it!).  Maybe I am not changing the country in three weeks but I have changed my life. Like Thomas Jefferson, I truly believe in doing what's best for people and try to always see the bigger picture. However, Jefferson and I do disagree on one thing. He doesn't believe in miracles, he was only a Christian because he believed Jesus had the best approach on how a life should be lived. So Jefferson literally cut out all of the miracles in the bible. 

I believe in miracles. You may not be parting the red sea or walking on water now a days but simply being in the right place at the right time is miracle enough. I also believe in the power of prayer and healing ( twice in my life prayer has cured a disease I've had!) Can I get an Amen?

After our interview with Jefferson ( Reynolds), Bob Allen ( who's card I saw on the front desk and was at my party ) walked in. He was just as shocked to see me as I was to see him. I sat in on their show " Jihad Watch" and loved it, it was so informative and so funny, it was just great. After the show we talked and they said I could be a reporter for their show, I would go with them to controversial events and ask the tough questions. They would use the audio on their show and I get to use it for my tape. Sweet gig! 

Then the third show, " Power Hour" came on and I sat in the booth and they started talking about me on air. They said they had this awesome intern Kristen and how I did Kung Fu and that they were just so thankful to have me there. That's when I started tearing up. For so long, it my life I wanted to be noticed in front of a large audience. For years I had wrote stories on other people...always wanting to be the topic of a story and here they were actually talking about me. I  had only been there four days and they already had deemed me valuable enough to talk about on air. I felt so overwhelmed about how I was getting to do everything I want to do ,that I started to cry. 

I have only had a few of these moments in my life, where I cry because I am happy. But I have a feeling this will not be the last time.

They also told me, that my mic was open and I could have talked of I wanted to. For two years I had tried everything in my power to let people let me talk live on air. And over and over again, I was told " no". But now, I didn't even ask and was honestly just sitting in to learn. I almost started tearing up again, but was able to keep it together. 

I know this is where I am supposed to be right now. 

That night, a friend and I went to Night of Joy. What amazing concerts! At the end of the night I was so touched by a Newsboys song where they talked about how God gives his brides away. I had always wondered who would ever give me away if God wills me to get married (seeing as my  Dad and step Dad are both in heaven now). But I realized in that moment, I need not worry about these things because God is my true father and he will give me away to the man he sees fit. Once again I teared up in the comfort of this thought.

To tell you, I did not cry tears of sadness this weekend as well would be a huge thing to leave out. I cried over how my family has made me felt over the years, I cried because I came to the realization that I just didn't trust God with relationships (romantic or family), I cried because I worry about the salvation of my younger sister and whether or not her and my mother will have a place to live.

Following God hasn't been a walk in the park. In fact it is truly the hardest thing I have ever done but I see my hard work paying off quicker, because I am doing it for the right reasons and the people around me realize that. 

The times I think I want to give up, I just remember this

"....it’s only the world I’m living in
It’s only today I’ve been given
There ain’t no way I’m giving in
Oh Cause it’s only the world
I know the best is still yet to come
Cause even when my days in the world are done
There’s gonna be so much more than only the world for me....
Heaven is a place where the tears on every face will be wiped away
Oh And I can’t wait to go, but for now it’s enough to know
This is only temporary" - Mandisa"

Every Day is a battle when you don't where to turn look up and you'll be surprised how often you find the answer you need ( however it may not always be the answer you want).